Monday, November 2, 2009

Establishment of the Constitution

"Attention, attention! This meeting of the cats of Purr Partners is now called to order! We will now come to order! Attention!"
"Astro, you said I could do the meeting! Attention all felines. This meeting is in session. The Honorable Tia Maria presiding."
"Honorable! What are you doing, Tia?"
"Shut up! This is my meeting. Okay, let's get on with it. Astro, the chair yields the floor for the reading of the Constitution."
"Yow. Okay, here we go. Everybody pay attention to this historic first reading of our Constitution.

We the Cats of Purr Partners, in order to form a more perfect residence, establish priorities, insure a steady diet of preferred food, provide for the removal of used litter, promote our complete welfare, and secure the blessings of continuous food and attention, do ordain and establish this Constitution for the Cats of the Cat Shack of Purr Partners."

"Discussion? What Pixie?"
" What are priorities? Are they good? What do the taste like?"
"They're not food, idiot! You can't eat priorities! You rank them!"
"Oh. But what are they?"
"Never mind. You'll see. Any other questions?"
"Yes, I have one. What's the preferred food? Shouldn't we decide on that? What if "they" choose something WE don't consider preferred? Can they be fired? Executed?"
"That's another vote! We're just voting on the wording of this. Any suggestions?"
" I like the idea of continuous food and attention. Maybe we should say "continuous preferred food."
"What about saying "constant attention?"
"We left out anything about toys!"
"What about having to do things we don't like to do?" I don't like that biweekly trip in a carrier to the bad place. Let's say something about that."
"Attention! We are here to vote yes or no. How many yes's do we have? 1, 2, 3... only three?
How many no's? 1,2,3,4, 5, 6 ... Okay. It's back to work. We'll try a second draft. Let's schedule a meeting for Wednesday evening."
"Hey, wait a minute! I thought we were going to sign something! I ate all day long and I'm ready to put my signature on this!"
"Sorry, Bella. You'll just have to eat as much tomorrow and the next day. I'm sure you can do it. That's a nice little belly you have going there!"
"Don't talk about my belly! You said to eat, so I did!"
"I move we adjourn this meeting, have a snack, and get some rest. We've got lots to deal with tomorrow. These humans are just impossible."
"I second the motion! To the bowls!"

Sunday, November 1, 2009


"Spritzer! Stop that and come in here. We are planning a revolt. We need your attention,please."
" Just a minute, just a minute! I've got to get this mouse! Look, it's in the air... it's under the chair... it's behind the table... it's, oh dear, it's all wet... it's in the water bowl. Dang!"
"Spritzer, would you just come on? We're waiting on you!"
" Oh, cool it, Tia. I've got better things to do than listen to you and Astro argue about who's in charge. LOOK! What is that? OMG! Get it! Get it!"
"Somebody jump on Spritzer! She is totally out of control! Spritzer, stop this instant and join us in the kitchen!"
"Ouch, Spritzer! You ran over my foot!"
"Look at me! Look at me! I can swing from the tower... I can jump to the top... I can DO ANYTHING!"
"Okay, fine. Forget Spritzer. We're holding a meeting tonight about something very important."
"Tia, you may begin."
"Okay, here' s the deal. We want more say so about things around here. We are not being consulted in proper fashion, and we are putting stop to it this instant!"
"As Tia stated, we must be more proactive in our interests. We will vote on a Bill of Rights to be in effect as soon as all residents throw up on it. Be sure to eat a lot tomorrow so you'll be ready."
"When are we voting?"
"As soon as Tia and I complete the document, we will bring it before the members of this house and call for a vote. Your signature will be required before presenting it to those who deem themselves "in charge."
"I vote YES! YES! I vote YES!"
"Shut up Spritzer. There's nothing to vote on yet. What did you eat for dinner? Have you been in the catnip?"
"I LOVE life! I LOVE you! I LOVE everything!"
"Somebody hide the catnip. She's high."
"Okay, felines. Get ready for battle. It is time we take a stand. No decisions without input."
"We're adjourned for now."
"I was supposed to do the adjourning, Astro. You hogged the whole meeting."
"Tia, you can conduct the voting."
"Oh, goody. What if someone can't sign?"
"Well, just remind everyone to eat lots tomorrow. Okay, meeting over."
"Yes, the meeting is over. We're finished. I'll be in charge of voting, so get ready."
"I vote NO! I vote YES! I vote for me! I win! I win! Spritzer is QUEEN of the HOUSE!"
"Somebody lock her in the bathroom - Please!"