San Francisco Votes to Ban Cat Declawing -- Sphere News, Opinion and Analysis

San Francisco Votes to Ban Cat Declawing -- Sphere News, Opinion and Analysis

Establishment of the Constitution

"Attention, attention! This meeting of the cats of Purr Partners is now called to order! We will now come to order! Attention!"
"Astro, you said I could do the meeting! Attention all felines. This meeting is in session. The Honorable Tia Maria presiding."
"Honorable! What are you doing, Tia?"
"Shut up! This is my meeting. Okay, let's get on with it. Astro, the chair yields the floor for the reading of the Constitution."
"Yow. Okay, here we go. Everybody pay attention to this historic first reading of our Constitution.

We the Cats of Purr Partners, in order to form a more perfect residence, establish priorities, insure a steady diet of preferred food, provide for the removal of used litter, promote our complete welfare, and secure the blessings of continuous food and attention, do ordain and establish this Constitution for the Cats of the Cat Shack of Purr Partners."

"Discussion? What Pixie?"
" What are priorities? Are they good? What do the taste like?"
"They're not food, idiot! You can't eat priorities! You rank them!"
"Oh. But what are they?"
"Never mind. You'll see. Any other questions?"
"Yes, I have one. What's the preferred food? Shouldn't we decide on that? What if "they" choose something WE don't consider preferred? Can they be fired? Executed?"
"That's another vote! We're just voting on the wording of this. Any suggestions?"
" I like the idea of continuous food and attention. Maybe we should say "continuous preferred food."
"What about saying "constant attention?"
"We left out anything about toys!"
"What about having to do things we don't like to do?" I don't like that biweekly trip in a carrier to the bad place. Let's say something about that."
"Attention! We are here to vote yes or no. How many yes's do we have? 1, 2, 3... only three?
How many no's? 1,2,3,4, 5, 6 ... Okay. It's back to work. We'll try a second draft. Let's schedule a meeting for Wednesday evening."
"Hey, wait a minute! I thought we were going to sign something! I ate all day long and I'm ready to put my signature on this!"
"Sorry, Bella. You'll just have to eat as much tomorrow and the next day. I'm sure you can do it. That's a nice little belly you have going there!"
"Don't talk about my belly! You said to eat, so I did!"
"I move we adjourn this meeting, have a snack, and get some rest. We've got lots to deal with tomorrow. These humans are just impossible."
"I second the motion! To the bowls!"

Revolt!

"Spritzer! Stop that and come in here. We are planning a revolt. We need your attention,please."
" Just a minute, just a minute! I've got to get this mouse! Look, it's in the air... it's under the chair... it's behind the table... it's, oh dear, it's all wet... it's in the water bowl. Dang!"
"Spritzer, would you just come on? We're waiting on you!"
" Oh, cool it, Tia. I've got better things to do than listen to you and Astro argue about who's in charge. LOOK! What is that? OMG! Get it! Get it!"
"Somebody jump on Spritzer! She is totally out of control! Spritzer, stop this instant and join us in the kitchen!"
"Ouch, Spritzer! You ran over my foot!"
"Look at me! Look at me! I can swing from the tower... I can jump to the top... I can DO ANYTHING!"
"Okay, fine. Forget Spritzer. We're holding a meeting tonight about something very important."
"Tia, you may begin."
"Okay, here' s the deal. We want more say so about things around here. We are not being consulted in proper fashion, and we are putting stop to it this instant!"
"As Tia stated, we must be more proactive in our interests. We will vote on a Bill of Rights to be in effect as soon as all residents throw up on it. Be sure to eat a lot tomorrow so you'll be ready."
"When are we voting?"
"As soon as Tia and I complete the document, we will bring it before the members of this house and call for a vote. Your signature will be required before presenting it to those who deem themselves "in charge."
"I vote YES! YES! I vote YES!"
"Shut up Spritzer. There's nothing to vote on yet. What did you eat for dinner? Have you been in the catnip?"
"I LOVE life! I LOVE you! I LOVE everything!"
"Somebody hide the catnip. She's high."
"Okay, felines. Get ready for battle. It is time we take a stand. No decisions without input."
"We're adjourned for now."
"I was supposed to do the adjourning, Astro. You hogged the whole meeting."
"Tia, you can conduct the voting."
"Oh, goody. What if someone can't sign?"
"Well, just remind everyone to eat lots tomorrow. Okay, meeting over."
"Yes, the meeting is over. We're finished. I'll be in charge of voting, so get ready."
"I vote NO! I vote YES! I vote for me! I win! I win! Spritzer is QUEEN of the HOUSE!"
"Somebody lock her in the bathroom - Please!"

WHERE IS THAT HUMAN?!!!!!

"Everybody needs to gather around so we can tell you newcomers what is SUPPOSED to happen around here. There is a human out there whose job is to tell our stories, and guess what? Yup, you got it... she has fallen down on the job. As the senior member here, I have taken it upon myself to give her a severe talking to, and she has agreed to do a better job. We'll see."
"You're not the senior member, Tia. I am. I was here way before you! I'm the spokescat for us now, so you just back off!"
"Astro! How dare you! You left, stayed gone for several months, and then you came back. You lost your spot. It's me now!"
"Let's take a vote on who's the spokescat. As the ranking MALE cat, it should be me."
"Ranking MALE cat? What's that got to do with it? I am the QUEEN of this house!"
" Oh, shut up, both of you. Let's just vote. Okay, all those in favor of Astro, raise your paw. Okay, that's six. All in favor of Tia, raise your paw. Well, darn. A tie. Six each."
"Bella, are you sure you can count? I'm sure I saw more than six for me!"
"Astro, I can count. You two are just going to have to share the honors."
"Fine, I call this meeting to order. Everybody, we are in session."
" I wanted to call the meeting to order, Astro! Okay, everybody, the meeting has started."
"Tia, you can't call the meeting to order twice! I already did it."
"STOP IT! What is wrong with you two? If you can't get along, we can find someone else to be in charge. What about you, Bella?"
"Me? Why, thank you, but I prefer to let someone else be in charge. It's just not my style."
"Okay, the meeting is starting. First item. Okay, Tia, what is it?"
"You started the meeting again. You said we couldn't do that. Besides, I want to do it. Everybody, this meeting is now beginning. Who's got something to say?'
"TIA! Stop! You can't keep starting the meeting over! We're already in session. First item on the agenda... Wait, where are the kittens? Fred? Windsor? Boo?"
"See, you ran them off. They'll listen to me. Meeting is starting. Where is everybody? Come on guys! Don't leave!"
"See what you did, Tia. Everybody has left. If you had just let me be in charge, but noooooooo, it had to be you. Now, we'll have to adjourn the meeting. Meeting adjourned!"
"Astro! There's nobody here to adjourn! They all left because of you! Don't blame me for this. You butted in, and now you've ruined my meeting. I'm going to get in the cabinet."
"She is soooo sensitive! Maybe we'll try this again tomorrow or the next day. There is so much to discuss. We have to get this place organized and back on track. They just need a firm hand. My work is cut out for me...."

Heart Throb and Heartache and Heartbreak

Hi, I'm Madison, You might have seen me when I was a tiny baby along with my five brothers and sisters. I was the tiniest of all! They've all gone to wonderful homes and are someone's special kitties, but things haven't quite worked out for me. I'm still hoping, but my foster mom tells me my heart doesn't work quite right, so I have to stay with her. I'm hoping it can get fixed, but right now, things aren't looking too good. But you know something? I don't care! I have a good time ALL the time! There are lots of kitties here to play with, and I really love that Wee cat 'cause he plays with me and gives me kisses. My mama loves me, but I think sometimes at night, she gets a little mad at me. I love to run jump in the bed with her when she goes to bed, but I ALWAYS wake up about 2 A.M. and I just need a little lovin'! I can purr real loud and I can make biscuits on my mama's neck and face and head and arms and chest, and well, just about anywhere. I give the best kisses too! I just adore ear lobes. I'm just getting started good when Mom says, "Go away, Madison!" I know she doesn't mean it, so I just work a little harder to give more kisses and make more biscuits! Then she wakes up and plays a special game with me. She covers her face with the sheet, but I always find it! I dig and dig and dig. She pretends to be mad and yells at me, but that just makes it fun! The best is when she covers her head with the pillow 'cause then I can jump on it and use my front AND back feet to try to find her. I just love sleeping with Mom at night! We have such fun! I like to play the foot game too, and it makes Mama scream. I'm usually pretty tired by about 3:30, and I know Mama gets up about 4:15, so I let her take a short nap before she gets up. I'm her favorite bedtime kitty. She doesn't always say it, but I know it. She can't fool me by threatening to lock me downstairs. She would miss me!
Anyway, I'll keep you posted on my heart. I don't want to break my mama's heart, so I'm working real hard to get better. Keep your fingers crossed! I'll keep my paws crossed!
Gotta go! I think we're getting ready for bed, and I just can't wait! Fun and games! Whoopee!

Okay, Okay! Get Over It! I'll Do Better, I Promise!

Okay, here' s the deal. The cats are all mad at me because I am not letting them "voice" their opinions and tell their stories at the rate they feel they deserve. I have been severely chastised for dropping the ball and being slack. They don't care that their litter boxes are clean, they have plenty to eat, and they receive lots of love - it's STILL not enough! No, they want you to hear about them and their lives, so I have promised to do better. A quick update:
Jax is with his new family and they adore him!
Piper and Sushi Lou went to their new home together.
The Alien Kittens all found new homes!
Juno, Dakota, and Yukon all got adopted together - won't that be fun!
Hollywood and Cruiser are living a life of luxury in their new home.
Crockett is the favored and only pet with his own personal garden.
And the list goes on! We love our adopters because they chose rescue kitties - the best kind!
Now, a word from Armand and the crew...
"Well, finally. She is NOT secretary material, I think we all can agree! Look how slack she is about typing for us. If she were a paid employee, she would be fired immediately!"
"You better hush, Armand. Remember these Mama People take care of us - and they don't have to!"
"Tia, you are such a suck-up! Of course they have to! They all have terrible guilt complexes and it makes them feel good to work so hard at caring for us. You need to learn to milk that for all it's worth. There's no telling what we could get them to do for us!"
"Armand, you are so pretentious! You came in here looking like something the dog dragged in, and now you think you are king of the world. Well, I know I'm lucky! I think I might be getting a home!"
"Liza! You didn't tell us! How exciting! When? Who? Oh, Liza, I'll miss you so much, but I'm so happy for you! Will you tell your humans to keep in touch with me?"
"Well, I'm not sure when, or if, I'm leaving for sure, but I may be heading north to Virginia. Seems like that lap trick I have touched someone's heart, and they're coming back for me. I'm trying not to get my hopes up, but it's hard. I've waited my whole life for someone to call my own, and if it happens for me this time, I'll be the happiest cat ever! Just think. Me, Liza, in a real house with people who love me. It's my dream come true!"
"Liza, congratulations! I am happy for you as well. You have been a good and loyal friend. If you go, we will be very happy for you, but we will be sad as well. Don't forget us!"
"Armand, what a nice thing to say! You two make me cry! I've never had such good friends, and I just know both of you will find your perfect home, too. Don't be sad! Your turn is coming!"

Tomorrow: Madison and her sad little heart.

Alien Kittens Ready to Take Over the World!

"Okay, here's the deal. They think we are the average kittens, but we all know better, so let's keep things on the down low till we get a chance to take over. Got it?"
"Who put you in charge? You're not the boss of me! Cobalt, you think you know everything, but I'm in charge of me!"
"Chaco, you are such a whiner! I'm just telling you not to give away our secrets. They don't know we have special powers. Remember, just act like kittens. Run, play, jump- you know. Like kittens!"
"What about the big thing out there? That gray furry thing? I think he suspects we're not just kittens. He watches us awfully close. What is that thing anyway? He's so big, and that long fur!"
"Starburst, that's an adult cat. There's some other ones out there, too. We've got the Mom People fooled. They just ooh and aah over us. Won't they feel funny when we take over?"
"Avalon, are you listening? Don't mess up! Chaco, stop stalking around with your tail up! You look strange. Don't let them take your picture with your ears up either because they are a dead giveaway that we are NOT from here. Your ears are just too big!"
"Cobalt, stop being bossy! We got it, we got it! But I have to say, I kinda like this pretending to be kittens. It's pretty fun, and all that hugging and kissing - I could get used to it. Maybe we should consider just staying like we are for awhile."
"Avalon, Starburst, somebody slap Chaco! Shhh - here comes somebody. Look kitten-like!"